Struggling

**** I found this as a draft and thought i would post it. I wrote this originally in May 2013. Some of these thoughts still plague me from time to time. It ends quite abruptly, so I cannot finish it as I do not know how I was going to end it at that time. ****

This seems to be the theme this week. There are so many things that I struggle with. My weight, my house, my kids, my husband, and the list can go on. But, it is that time of year where the kids are getting ready to finish school and I start struggling with who I am and what I want to do with my life. I know, I am 37 years old and I have no clue where I am going and what I am doing. I know I want to be with my kids. I know I want to relax. I know that I want to be happy and stress free (haha, I know, I have 3 kids).

I think I know what I want, and then I don't. I think I know what I am good at, but am I good at what I think I am?

This week I feel like I have failed a little at raising my kids, we had our first ISS this week for insubordination. Thank you oldest child. This is so unlike her, and she didn't fess up either. Tate got an email form another teacher that we know telling us, and we thank you! I know that there are a lot of changes going on, changing teachers is a new thing for her.

Changes

Well, I know it has been quite a while since I have actually written anything and of course I could give you a bunch of excuses and all that but we will leave it as I am just busy with life.

I am taking a leap and making changes that I hope will make me a happier person. I am leaping into a new job in July and I am very excited to get started. I will be working for our school system. I will fill you in on the details at a later date once I get started.

It is late so I am going to turn in for the night. In the days and weeks to come I will have a bit more time to get caught up on a lot of things and my blog is going to be one of those things!

**written June 21, 2014**

Fear

Fear is never something that many people like to deal with in any way. But, sometimes you have to face that fear. I know that a lot of parents kept their children home today. I sent mine to school. There was a threat that was made that was spanning 2 counties, saying that there would be a school shooting today.

I am not saying that it was easy to send any of my children to school, and even my husband for that matter, but, if I am going to let someone other than God to control my fears, then I have let that person win the day.

I can say that I went to Ellyn's school today to change some contact information and they did exactly what I knew they would do, they asked who I was and what I was there for. I also spoke to our resource staff and they have even been asking Staff when they buzz in who they are. They are being as diligent as ever on keeping my child safe. 

I am not telling any of you that you were wrong to keep you children home, but just know that they are safe. I can say that I did see a lot of things that did frustrate me today such as seeing kids that were kept home from school wandering the streets with out an adult. Who had the better chance of staying safe today, the children at school or those that were out wandering with out the protection of an adult?

**I am posting this as these are my feelings on the matter. We all feel differently and I am not out for a debate. So, I am going to ask that if you read this please do not turn this into one. Thank you.**

Whoa!

Oh wow! I can't believe I haven't been on blogging since August! That must only mean one thing, I am a busy woman, mom and wife!

I guess that this is true. I am no longer a stay at home mom, which I miss very much. When the baby goes off to Kindergarten it is time for mommy to go back to work. I got very lucky with my job search, and it is good to know people! I am working at our local Y in their child care area. It is pretty fun, I get to play with kids and get crafty from time to time. Things change pretty fast there. When I started in September there were mostly pre-school aged kids, now we have a lot of 2 year olds and quite a few babies (I get a baby fix every day!). So, sometimes we don't always get to a craft, but we are always ready!

Virginia has been one busy student! She is really enjoying the whole band thing! She is in the Concert Band, the Jazz Band, and she was also invited to be part of the South Bend Community Schools Honor Band this year! I am so proud of her. She is playing my trumpet, which has seen better days. Some of the braces are coming unsoddered. This summer it will be taking a visit to the local music shop to get fixed up.

Rebekah is busy being Rebekah. She is in the orchestra this year which got off to a rough start. We have a wonderful director that started about 5 weeks ago, and I hope that next year will get off to a better start. They didn't play for almost 3 months. I am excited to hear them play sometime this spring in a concert. Rebekah likes to spend time working on her drawing. She told me today that she wants to be a cartoon artist. I think that she will be great with some practice!

Ellyn is one busy bee! She is really enjoying Kindergarten. She is very smart, as long as she slows down to practice her sight words. She loves math, she counts all the time! And she jsut lsot her first tooth! I can't believe that she is growing up so fast.

All of the girls are growing fast, where is the pause button?

Tate has been busy too. In the Fall he coached football at the High School level! He loved it! He will be coaching again next year. He is already busy with weight lifting. This winter he coached wrestling at the middle school level, he seemed to enjoy it. We are hoping for some more changes for him in the fall with his teaching. I will keep you posted as things happen.

That is what is up with us in a nut shell. I hope that you all have been well, and I promise to do better keeping up!